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Can You Name Your Top Values? This Exercise May Help.

9/27/2017

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When was the last time you gave thought to what you value most?
 
Our values lie at the core of who we are – they define what we deem important in life and in work -- but they are very infrequently verbally expressed.  Instead many of us choose to communicate what we value through our behavior and actions. 
 
We are content and at peace when our values and our actions align.  On the contrary, when we experience tension, anxiety and unrest, it is a sign that our beliefs and our actions are out of balance. 
 

WHEN WE HONOR OUR VALUES, WE MAKE DECISIONS BASED ON CLEARLY DEFINED PRIORITIES.  WE ARE PURPOSEFUL WITH OUR CHOICES AND WE FEEL A SENSE OF WHOLENESS AND FULFILLMENT.  WHEN WE ARE OUT OF TOUCH WITH OUR VALUES, WE HAVE NO INTERNAL COMPASS TO HELP US MAKE DECISIONS.  WE TEND TO PRIORITIZE THE WRONG THINGS WHICH CAN LEAD TO UNHAPPINESS AND DISSATISFACTION. 

Often, we’ll have a vague recognition that something is wrong, but won’t take steps to delve deeper until a change in circumstance, such as starting a family, or a more negative event like a job loss or a family illness jolts us to action. Those events can serve as important wake-up calls, but should they be the only time we open ourselves to taking stock of what’s truly important? 
 
Today is as good as any other day.  
 
DEFINING OUR VALUES CAN HELP US MAKE IMPORTANT LIFE DECISIONS AND ANSWER IMPORTANT QUESTIONS. 
 
- What type of job will I find fulfilling? 
 
- How can I prioritize my personal and professional goals?
 
- Where should I live?
 
- What kind of role model do I want to be to my kids? 


UNDERSTANDING WHAT YOU VALUE MOST IS THE FIRST STEP IN CREATING A ROAD MAP TO LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE.  ALTHOUGH OUR CORE VALUES ARE GENERALLY STABLE, SOMETIMES AS WE GROW OR OUR SITUATIONS CHANGE, WHAT WE ONCE DEEMED IMPORTANT SHIFTS.  OFTEN, WE WITNESS THOSE SHIFTS IN THINKING AFTER BIG LIFE EVENTS.  

Keeping a check on our values is therefore a lifelong exercise.  Taking some time to revisit what you value can help you stay on the right course, clarify your priorities and re-balance your life. 

EXERCISE. 

STEP 1.
 
Think about the times in your life (starting childhood through present) where you’ve felt happiest and most fulfilled. What were you doing (personally, professionally)? Who were you with? What goals were you accomplishing? 
 
Write down any common themes.  For example, you notice that you feel happiest and most fulfilled when you are entertaining others, spreading joy and laughter, putting on formal or informal performances, and being the life of the party.  Or, you may be most fulfilled when you are helping others in need and providing a service that helps other people improve their circumstances.  You like to provide help in times of crisis.
 
STEP 2.
 
Read through the list of values below.  Go through the list once and cross out any values that clearly don’t match with what you deem important.  For example, if you enjoy solitude, reading and quiet walks by yourself or a close friend, then socializing is probably not your most important value.  Cross it off the list.  Do this until you’ve narrowed down to 30-40 values. 
 
Next, look through the remaining values and group together any values that overlap.  For example, Honesty, Integrity, and Lack of Pretense would go together.
​



Accountability
Accuracy
Achievement
Adventure
Aesthetics
Affection
Altruism
Ambition
Assertiveness
Authenticity
Autonomy
Avoidance
Balance
Beauty
Belonging
Boldness
Calmness
Carefulness
Challenge
Cheerfulness
Clear-mindedness
Commitment
Community
Compassion
Competitiveness
Connection
Consistency
Contentment
Continuous Improvement
Contribution
Control
Cooperation
Correctness
Courtesy
Creativity
Culture
Curiosity
Decisiveness
Dependability
Determination
Devoutness
Dignity
Diligence
Discipline
Discretion
Diversity
Dynamism

Economy


Effectiveness
Efficiency
Elegance
Empathy
Empowerment
Enjoyment
Enlightenment
Enthusiasm
Entrepreneurship
Equality
Excellence
Exercise
Excitement
Expertise
Exploration
Expressiveness
Fairness
Faith
Fame
Family
Fidelity
Financial Security
Fitness
Fluency
Focus
Freedom
Friendship
Fun
Fulfillment
Generosity
Goodness
Grace
Growth
Happiness
Hard Work
Harmony
Health
Helping Society
Holiness
Honesty
Honor
Humility
Humor

Inclusivity
Independence
Ingenuity
Innovation
Inquisitiveness
Insightfulness


Integrity
Intelligence
Intellectual Status
Intimacy
Intuition
Joy
Justice
Lack of pretense
Leadership
Learning
Legacy
Leisure time
Love
Loyalty
Making a difference
Making money
Marriage
Mastery
Merit
Obedience
Openness
Opportunity
Order
Organization
Originality
Patriotism
Peace
Perfection
Performance
Perseverance
Personal Development
Piety
Playfulness
Positivity
Practicality
Preparedness
Professionalism
Prudence
Quality
Recognition
Reliability
Resourcefulness
Restraint
Respect
Results-oriented
Rigor
Risk-taking
Safety
Saving
Security
Self-actualization
Self-esteem
Self-control
Self-expression
Selflessness
Self-reliance
Self-respect
Sensitivity
Serenity
Service
Setting example
Shrewdness
Simplicity
Socializing
Social advancement
Solving problems
Soundness
Speed
Spirituality
Spontaneity
Stability
Strategic
Strength
Structure
Success
Support
Synergy
Teamwork
Temperance
Thankfulness
Thoroughness
Thoughtfulness
Timeliness
Tolerance
Tradition
Trustworthiness
Truth-seeking
Understanding
Uniqueness
Unity
Usefulness
Vision
Vitality
Wealth
Winning
Wisdom
STEP 3.
 
Keeping in mind your reflections from Step 1, compare the remaining values/buckets of values. Which of the remaining values do you consistently honor in your life? Which would you like to prioritize more? 

 
You are trying to identify your top 10. 
 
It may help to pick two at a time and think about them side by side.  Your goal is to re-order them from least important (at the bottom) to most important (at the top). 
 
For example, if you are comparing Achievement and Adventure/Fun, you may think of a situation where you are given a last minute opportunity to travel to an exotic place you’ve always wanted to explore.  Perhaps it's a friend's destination wedding. At the same time, you are on track for a promotion at work, but know that taking time off would set you back and/or possibly cost you the promotion.  How would you resolve the conflict? Would you choose Adventure over Achievement or vice versa?  Re-order the values accordingly.

 
Prioritizing like this will take some time but it is a worthy exercise. 

WHEN YOU CAN CLEARLY DEFINE AND EXPRESS YOUR VALUES, YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF LIVING A MORE PURPOSEFUL AND CONTENT LIFE.  YOU WILL FIND IT EASIER TO MAKE IMPORTANT DECISIONS AND WILL FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THE CHOICES YOU MAKE. LIVING A LIFE IN ACCORDANCE WITH ONE’S VALUES MAY NOT ALWAYS BE EASY, BUT IT WILL ALWAYS GUIDE YOU IN THE DIRECTION THAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU.  

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Moving from Dreaming to Action

11/5/2014

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Leaving my stable job was a very difficult decision. Even though I had the support of my husband, I had been raised to believe that women should always be financially independent.  Having been born in Russia, there was the added notion that work was the difficult part of life we had to endure in order to survive and provide for our families.  Fulfillment didn’t typically figure in the equation.  I had to learn to reframe my perspective.

Although busy at home with my daughter, I was reluctant to take a lot of time off.  I was concerned about the erosion of skills and eager to finally use my strengths and talents.  But with my family responsibilities came the concern of how I would balance it all.  Few traditional 9-5 jobs would give much flexibility to someone just starting out – as I would be – in a new role at the bottom of the hierarchy.  It wouldn’t be impossible but I knew it would be difficult to find the right spot for me. 

Over the past couple of decades, there has been a noticeable trend toward taking time off among educated professional women who recently had a baby. This is particularly true in high stress/low flexibility jobs and jobs where the take-home pay gets absorbed almost entirely by child care costs.  Many women, who would otherwise choose to work, make the choice to leave the workforce because they cannot attain proper work-life balance or justify the financial piece of the equation. 

I knew that I would only make the trade-off for the right job, but where would l find it? There were many variables to consider and I knew that I was no longer willing to make a lot of compromises.  I had to be passionate about my next job and I wanted to be present for my family.

The answer came as it often does. In the shower.  I could bring all of my skills together as an entrepreneur.  I loved to write. I loved to design. I loved the branding process. I loved to read and share information. And, most importantly, I loved to coach. 

Would that be too bold?

And that’s how BOLD Career Coaching was born. 


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You are at career crossroads. What's next?

10/7/2014

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If it’s not the first time you woke up with a sense of anxiety about going to work, you are not alone.  Often we go through the motions of making it though yet another day while knowing deep down that we are in the wrong place. Yet something is stopping us from moving on.  This was exactly where I was 6-7 years ago.

Deeply unfulfilled but nonetheless succeeding in my chosen field (banking regulation), I knew that something was amiss but didn’t know where to start to get my life back on the right track. I had ideas (perhaps too many ideas!) about where I’d rather be, but somehow felt that I wasn’t ready to commit to any of them. 

​Was teaching a better fit for me? Or was it Education Administration? Or perhaps something more along the lines of Human Resources or Organizational Development? Should I get a Masters in Social Work? Or maybe a position in a non-profit where I could help to solve local or global problems? There were too many options and I was clearly lost.

By then I had vague ideas of what I enjoyed doing and even better notions of what I didn’t.  It turned out that was a good place to start. One day at work (desperate to do anything else but the current task at hand), I made a list of my strengths and everything I thought I was good at.  A common thread that ran through the list was that I liked working with people (teaching, counseling, building connections, etc) and I liked to help them solve problems.  So, what on earth brought me to banking? Well….it must have been my interview skills…

I bought a few books on career change. I took a personality assessment. As I struggled to get through my days at the office, it helped to focus some of my energy on figuring out a way forward.  The clerk at the self-help section of the Wall Street Barnes and Noble began to smile at me as I approached.  I felt like I was playing a game of hot and cold.  I was getting warmer. But I still was unsure of where I belonged.

What do you do if you don’t know where to begin? How do you re-group and re-evaluate your options?

First of all.  Step back. Create some distance. 

I decided to take a leave of absence.  My goal: uninterrupted time to evaluate options. I found an intensive month-long course offering in Coaching at NYU.  The timing was right, the financial commitment was low, and it sounded like my cup of tea. This was the serendipitous beginning of my newfound path.  
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    Author

    Natasha Kosoff is a career coach and advocate for women's growth and development. She is committed to helping women achieve fulfillment and success in their careers and balance in their lives. 




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