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Want to Lead A Successful Job Search? It May Come Down to How Consistent You Are

4/3/2019

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There is a behavior that we rarely hear about when it comes to job searching and that’s consistency. So often we emphasize grander notions such as knowing who you are and what you want, or the more practical details of actualizing your goals, such resume and cover letter writing.  And networking, which is of utmost importance. 
 
It’s true, a successful search is difficult without answering the bigger questions, perfecting your job search materials, or building a responsive network.  
 
Yet, what separates those that succeed from those who don’t frequently comes down not to these elements but the idea that lies in between – the consistency with which you approach executing your plans. 
 
Consistent action is defined by regularity and commitment. Its bedrock is the understanding that even when your most well laid out plans go up in flames, you keep going. When you make the choice to be consistent, you make a pact with yourself to take committed action regardless of how you feel on a given day.  
 
It may be easy to commit when you feel hopeful and optimistic. You probably won’t have much trouble motivating yourself at the beginning stages of the job search.  You’ll know what you have to do. Updating your resume and on-line presence must come before any outreach and usually is a step that can be completed independently.  Reaching out to people you know for informational interviews is a low-risk proposition and relatively straightforward. You’ll meet for coffee to gather intel on your company of choice. You’ll mine for additional networking contacts. 
 
You’ll feel that you are making progress. 
 
But inevitably you’ll hit a bump. Perhaps your outreach to your extended network goes unanswered, or worse yet, you’ll go through rounds of interviews only to get passed over.  
 
You’ll have a bad day. Maybe a series of bad days. No big deal, you’ve been through worse, you’ll tell yourself. 
 
But then another “no” is in your in-box.  Slowly, you start to lose motivation.  Your resolve to keep going begins to waver. Before long, a few weeks go by and the job search is officially on hold. 
 
*Pause*
 
But, wait, this isn’t how you intended it to play out. 
 
And no, the story doesn’t have to play out that way. 
 
After all, remember, you’ve made a commitment to yourself at the start -- to stay consistent and keep going no matter what. 
 
So, you shake the negative stuff off.  
 
You tell yourself that even if you need to take some time to recover, your best shot at success is to continue the outreach as soon as practically possible. 
 
You have a plan and a schedule that you’ve been following all along. A daily commitment -- to research companies and e-mail prospective contacts for x number of hours.  A weekly goal – to attend 2-3 networking events and target 7-8 new contacts per week.  And yes, your other projects need your regular attention – a personal portfolio, a website, or another on-line tool to showcase your professional attributes. 
 
You consistently maintain the pace towards these goals despite the setbacks and despite other life challenges that always tend to creep in the way. You follow through in a dedicated way and keep yourself accountable by setting concrete deadlines and making your commitments public.  You enlist trusted friends, a mentor or a coach to help you stay accountable as well.  
 
Your intentions and your actions are aligned.   
 
You keep taking steps forward. You are slow and steady. It’s not a race, but I think we all know how that story ends. 

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READY, SET, CLICK: WATCHA STREAMING TODAY?

3/28/2018

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Have you ever spent hours binge-watching a show? Game of Thrones.  Gilmour Girls. Portlandia. The Simpsons. Deadliest Catch.  Anyone? We all have our guilty pleasures – the escape that allows us to unwind and momentarily forget about our busy, chaotic lives filled with responsibilities and endless to-do lists.
 
I have definitely noticed a trend toward needing this escape in our family lately, but the guilty binge-watchers are not the adults. It’s our girls.  No, Games of Thrones is not on their radar.  At least not yet. But they are definitely hooked, and as any cautious and over-protective parent that has been warned time and time again about the dangers that excessive TV watching has on growing young minds, I feel a bit funny about allowing the binge-fest to continue.
 
Shouldn’t they be outside, playing sports, having play dates, engaging in more productive activities? Or, at the very least, playing dollhouse or doing arts-and-crafts? Aren’t those the best learning experiences –ones that allow them to explore, develop their interests, build communication and social skills? And if they are lucky, even find their “passion”? If gymnastics is not in their future, surely their life-long interest in engineering will ignite after they take that new after-school robotics class.
 
But instead, I watch as they plop themselves on the couch in the afternoon, excitedly clutching the remote.  There is a new episode of the “Kids Baking Championship” taped on DVR!
 
The Kids Baking Championship?? How did they even find this on TV? We are not a baking family.  Sure, I’ll make the occasional banana bread, but really, who am I kidding. I am no Martha Stewart. 
 
Yet, here we are. The girls know all the contestants, their names, where they are from, what their personalities are like, and even the difference between fondant and meringue. 
 
Good, I tell myself. This is educational.  I peek around the corner at the TV, while mindlessly leafing through the town activities brochure.   
 
We are having what you might call “a low-key” spring.  With so much time on our hands after school, the word “boredom” has entered our regular vocabulary.  As in, “mom, I am so bored! What are we going to do today?”
 
I am not your activities coordinator, I’ll say. Go find something to do. But they have already watched all of the episodes of “The Kids Baking Championship” about 20 times, so what now?
 
Last week, walking home from school with my oldest, with my youngest away for the afternoon, that dreaded question came up yet again.  Mom, what are we going to do??
 
I don’t know, I said. I am sure we’ll come up with something…should we (gasp)…bake?
 
“I am not a cooking girl”, she’d tell me in the past whenever I’d ask for some help in the kitchen.
 
But technically speaking, baking is not cooking. With its precise lists of carefully measured ingredients, it’s less improvisational than cooking and therefore, perhaps a lot less scary for a kid that’s just starting out.
 
So, should we? Should we bake, I say.
 
Yes! My girl replies excitedly. 
 
Ok, then, we’ll have to make something all of us can enjoy. How about some gluten-free chocolate chip cookies? I think I can scrape up the ingredients in our kitchen. 
 
They come out delicious. 
 
“Look what we made for you”, my daughter screams when my youngest comes home later that afternoon. The smile on my baby's face is the sweetest I’ve ever seen.
 
The three of us sit on the couch and chow down the cookies.
 
And we all feel like champs.

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4 (Unintended) Interview Mistakes that Can Be Easily Avoided

1/28/2018

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We all make mistakes. It’s what makes us human. Big or small, those mistakes can usually be corrected provided you are self-aware and motivated to want to change. But it may be harder to correct course when our actions collide with others’ perceptions, opinions, and needs. This is particularly true when we are engaged in a job search – a time when when we are being evaluated and it is imperative we put our best foot forward. A single unintended mistake can cost us an opportunity to get the job we’ve always dreamed of.
 
There are many times we can make missteps in the job search process – from resume typos to failing to attach a cover letter.  But assuming you’ve checked and triple checked your resume, drafted a stand-out cover letter, and have proofread all of the key correspondence, your next challenge is to be ready to knock ‘em dead during the interview. 
 
If you made it this far, you’ve likely met the basic requirements and qualifications for the position.  Now is your chance to really shine and stand out from the competition. 
 
Here are 4 mistakes you can avoid making during the interview phase to ensure that you are selected as the top candidate:
 
1. Being Late and Not Offering an Apology
 
Everyone knows that the first rule of thumb at an interview is to arrive on-time.  Generally, on-time means arriving at least 10-15 minutes early to allow yourself time to get to the right place and be ready to greet your interviewer should they choose to start the interview a few minutes ahead of schedule.  Arriving a few minutes early shows that you are organized, capable of managing your time and schedule, and respect the time the interviewer set aside to get to know you. 
 
That said, given your best efforts and intentions, sometimes things happen that are outside of our control.  Perhaps you left your house way ahead of schedule but there is an unexpected traffic jam, or a train delay.  Or, maybe you got delayed going through security downstairs.  And yes, there really could’ve been a small fire in your kitchen!
 
Whatever the reason, if you are late to an interview, you are probably worried that you’ve hurt your chances.  You are right -- it doesn’t look good. But, it is not a deal-breaker provided you are honest, apologetic, and put your best foot forward during the rest of the interview.  What’s much worse than being a few minutes late? Appearing that you don’t own up to your missteps, however minor (or unintentional) they may be.
 
2. Not Being Properly Dressed
 
This is a no-brainer, right? Of course you know that you must be properly dressed for an interview.  Yet, it is surprising how many still assume that “properly dressed” can mean anything other than a suit (and tie, if you are a man). 
 
In this day and an age, there are many companies that have moved beyond requiring traditional attire. In the more creative and entrepreneurial fields, it’s frequently accepted to wear casual (day-to-day) clothes to work.  And you may have even heard advice that says that you should try to “match” the style of the workplace when you go on your interview. 
 
This may be a well-intentioned but misleading advice. Leave the “matching” to the time when you’ve already scored the coveted job.  While you are being evaluated for a position, it is always best to dress in formal wear.    
 
3. Being Underprepared
 
It’s important to be confident going to an interview. When you believe in yourself, you are setting yourself up for success. However, sometimes feeling confident (or over-confident!) can backfire – particularly when we underestimate how much to prepare in order to do well. 
 
Confidence and thorough preparation are not mutually exclusive.  And in the case where you have to display your value in a short amount of time, they simply must go hand-in-hand. 
 
There is really no way to over-prepare for a job interview.  So, if you haven’t already thought through all of the interviewer’s possible questions and your responses, done a mock interview with a trusted friend or mentor, and thought of questions to ask about the company/role, then perhaps it makes sense to consider setting aside some additional time to prepare.   
 
4. Having Body Language that Does Not Match Your Story
 
You’ve done your prep-work and showed up on time dressed as your best professional self.  Now it’s time to share your story.  You’ve heard it many times – a good first impression counts for so much.  Stay calm and do your best.  No pressure!
 
Even those of us with nerves made of steel, in this scenario, may feel the jitters coming on.  It’s normal and natural to feel nervous, and it’s expected.  Showing a bit of vulnerability will certainly not take you out of the running and anyone but the most unforgiving of interviewers will see it for what it is – excitement and genuine desire to get the job. 
 
But there is a fine line between looking nervous and appearing inauthentic and it is the latter that you want to guard against.   Inauthenticity is a turn-off and others pick up on it quickly when there is a mismatch between your words and your behavior. 
 
There is not much you can do if you are truly pretending to be something you are not. Eventually, and probably sooner rather than later, it will become obvious.
 
However, if like many of us, you tend to temporarily crumble under pressure, staying aware of inadvertently sending negative non-verbal messages will help you remain in control. Fidgeting, shifting eyes, looking down instead of making eye contact are all examples of poor non-verbal communication – those behaviors may be perceived as signs that you lack the confidence in yourself and your skills.  And that is a sure deal-breaker.
 
Be yourself, know the value you add, breathe and keep composure and you will be sure to shine!

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9 Career Sites to Explore in the New Year

12/28/2017

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December is not traditionally considered a month for serious job searching.  It is a time to relax, enjoy the holidays, vacation and be with family.  Still, if you are seeking new opportunities, you’ll probably be keeping your ear close to the ground, ready to strike when the time is right. 
 
Perhaps you are continuing to make connections at holiday parties, or browsing the listings on the web in your spare time.  More than likely, though, you are waiting patiently for the new year to roll around before re-starting your search in earnest.
 
Today, more than ever, there is so much useful career advice available on the web.  Still, you may find yourself getting tired of the tried-and-true sites, like LinkedIn, Glassdoor, or Indeed.  

For those of you looking for some new perspective, I’ve put together a list of my favorite career websites and blogs that regularly feature helpful job search tips and strategies.  Check them out and start your year off fresh.
 
1.    www.careersherpa.net 

2.    www.theundercoverrecruiter.com

3.    www.careersdonewrite.com 

4.    www.9livesforwomen.com

5.    www.themuse.com

6.    www.dailyworth.com

7.    www.idealistcareers.org

8.    www.chameleonresumes.com

9.    www.mscareergirl.com 

Happy New Year and best wishes for a successful job search!
 



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What If...Waiting Wasn't an Option?

10/25/2017

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The fall has finally arrived, and with it, the need to re-organize my closet.  Every year at this time I carve out some time to put away the shorts, tank tops and dresses, and pull out the cozy sweaters, leggings and jeans. The crisp air outside motivates me not to delay.
 
Yet, I can’t say that I particularly enjoy this process.  Yes, this is a great opportunity to re-evaluate my wardrobe and to get rid of things I no longer like. I know the 80/20 rule – that most of us wear just 20 percent of our wardrobe 80 percent of the time.  In my case, it’s more like 10 percent of the wardrobe 99 percent of the time.  But still, for one reason or another, I hesitate to minimize.
 
It’s tedious. It’s time consuming. And most of all, there is that perennial question that hangs over my carefully curated closet…what if?
 
What if I change my mind? What if I come to regret it? What if I grow to like this piece again? What if? What if? What if?
 
It strikes me that in some ways this process of decision-making is similar to the way that many career changers approach their transition. 
 
You know that the career you’ve chosen to pursue is no longer working.  Deep down you know it’s time to make a change. Yet this realization remains just an inkling while you rationalize to yourself why you shouldn’t. 
 
Last week, I attended a panel on career transitions, where a room full of want-to-be career changers listened to sage advice and insight of those who already found their career holy grail.
 
The number one take-away?
 
Don’t wait.
 
Waiting, and then finally taking the plunge towards a new career, months, or sometimes years later, seemed to have been the common thread in all the stories shared that evening.
 
Someone waited because they felt they invested too much time and money into their education. Someone waited because they wanted to finish the degree they already knew was not the right fit -- but they had only one year to go in school. Someone waited because they didn’t want to move – moving ended up leading them to a network of new connections and ultimately, discovering how to blend their interests into a profitable business.  Finally, someone waited because they didn’t know what else to do.  They had been following the safe path of getting a good degree, finding a good job, and making good money.
 
All the panelists ultimately woke up and realized they’ve been waiting long enough. The time had come to make a change.
 
In hindsight, they all were acutely aware of the passage of time – the time they spent waiting vs. the time they spent actively in transition – one period marked by uncertainly, hesitation, depression, and rationalization; the other period marked by empowering decisions that brought them closer to their dreams.
 
The take-away was not to wait.  Even if the only thing you knew with certainty was that you didn’t like what you currently did.
 
At the end of the event, the moderator turned to the audience. Any last questions?
 
There was one.
 
What signs do I look for as I try to identify what I should do next?
 
Look for things that bring you joy was the response of one of the panelists.  What are the things you gravitate to over and over again?
 
What are the favorites in your closet? Everything else can go or take its honorary place in the back. 

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Can You Name Your Top Values? This Exercise May Help.

9/27/2017

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When was the last time you gave thought to what you value most?
 
Our values lie at the core of who we are – they define what we deem important in life and in work -- but they are very infrequently verbally expressed.  Instead many of us choose to communicate what we value through our behavior and actions. 
 
We are content and at peace when our values and our actions align.  On the contrary, when we experience tension, anxiety and unrest, it is a sign that our beliefs and our actions are out of balance. 
 

WHEN WE HONOR OUR VALUES, WE MAKE DECISIONS BASED ON CLEARLY DEFINED PRIORITIES.  WE ARE PURPOSEFUL WITH OUR CHOICES AND WE FEEL A SENSE OF WHOLENESS AND FULFILLMENT.  WHEN WE ARE OUT OF TOUCH WITH OUR VALUES, WE HAVE NO INTERNAL COMPASS TO HELP US MAKE DECISIONS.  WE TEND TO PRIORITIZE THE WRONG THINGS WHICH CAN LEAD TO UNHAPPINESS AND DISSATISFACTION. 

Often, we’ll have a vague recognition that something is wrong, but won’t take steps to delve deeper until a change in circumstance, such as starting a family, or a more negative event like a job loss or a family illness jolts us to action. Those events can serve as important wake-up calls, but should they be the only time we open ourselves to taking stock of what’s truly important? 
 
Today is as good as any other day.  
 
DEFINING OUR VALUES CAN HELP US MAKE IMPORTANT LIFE DECISIONS AND ANSWER IMPORTANT QUESTIONS. 
 
- What type of job will I find fulfilling? 
 
- How can I prioritize my personal and professional goals?
 
- Where should I live?
 
- What kind of role model do I want to be to my kids? 


UNDERSTANDING WHAT YOU VALUE MOST IS THE FIRST STEP IN CREATING A ROAD MAP TO LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE.  ALTHOUGH OUR CORE VALUES ARE GENERALLY STABLE, SOMETIMES AS WE GROW OR OUR SITUATIONS CHANGE, WHAT WE ONCE DEEMED IMPORTANT SHIFTS.  OFTEN, WE WITNESS THOSE SHIFTS IN THINKING AFTER BIG LIFE EVENTS.  

Keeping a check on our values is therefore a lifelong exercise.  Taking some time to revisit what you value can help you stay on the right course, clarify your priorities and re-balance your life. 

EXERCISE. 

STEP 1.
 
Think about the times in your life (starting childhood through present) where you’ve felt happiest and most fulfilled. What were you doing (personally, professionally)? Who were you with? What goals were you accomplishing? 
 
Write down any common themes.  For example, you notice that you feel happiest and most fulfilled when you are entertaining others, spreading joy and laughter, putting on formal or informal performances, and being the life of the party.  Or, you may be most fulfilled when you are helping others in need and providing a service that helps other people improve their circumstances.  You like to provide help in times of crisis.
 
STEP 2.
 
Read through the list of values below.  Go through the list once and cross out any values that clearly don’t match with what you deem important.  For example, if you enjoy solitude, reading and quiet walks by yourself or a close friend, then socializing is probably not your most important value.  Cross it off the list.  Do this until you’ve narrowed down to 30-40 values. 
 
Next, look through the remaining values and group together any values that overlap.  For example, Honesty, Integrity, and Lack of Pretense would go together.
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Accountability
Accuracy
Achievement
Adventure
Aesthetics
Affection
Altruism
Ambition
Assertiveness
Authenticity
Autonomy
Avoidance
Balance
Beauty
Belonging
Boldness
Calmness
Carefulness
Challenge
Cheerfulness
Clear-mindedness
Commitment
Community
Compassion
Competitiveness
Connection
Consistency
Contentment
Continuous Improvement
Contribution
Control
Cooperation
Correctness
Courtesy
Creativity
Culture
Curiosity
Decisiveness
Dependability
Determination
Devoutness
Dignity
Diligence
Discipline
Discretion
Diversity
Dynamism

Economy


Effectiveness
Efficiency
Elegance
Empathy
Empowerment
Enjoyment
Enlightenment
Enthusiasm
Entrepreneurship
Equality
Excellence
Exercise
Excitement
Expertise
Exploration
Expressiveness
Fairness
Faith
Fame
Family
Fidelity
Financial Security
Fitness
Fluency
Focus
Freedom
Friendship
Fun
Fulfillment
Generosity
Goodness
Grace
Growth
Happiness
Hard Work
Harmony
Health
Helping Society
Holiness
Honesty
Honor
Humility
Humor

Inclusivity
Independence
Ingenuity
Innovation
Inquisitiveness
Insightfulness


Integrity
Intelligence
Intellectual Status
Intimacy
Intuition
Joy
Justice
Lack of pretense
Leadership
Learning
Legacy
Leisure time
Love
Loyalty
Making a difference
Making money
Marriage
Mastery
Merit
Obedience
Openness
Opportunity
Order
Organization
Originality
Patriotism
Peace
Perfection
Performance
Perseverance
Personal Development
Piety
Playfulness
Positivity
Practicality
Preparedness
Professionalism
Prudence
Quality
Recognition
Reliability
Resourcefulness
Restraint
Respect
Results-oriented
Rigor
Risk-taking
Safety
Saving
Security
Self-actualization
Self-esteem
Self-control
Self-expression
Selflessness
Self-reliance
Self-respect
Sensitivity
Serenity
Service
Setting example
Shrewdness
Simplicity
Socializing
Social advancement
Solving problems
Soundness
Speed
Spirituality
Spontaneity
Stability
Strategic
Strength
Structure
Success
Support
Synergy
Teamwork
Temperance
Thankfulness
Thoroughness
Thoughtfulness
Timeliness
Tolerance
Tradition
Trustworthiness
Truth-seeking
Understanding
Uniqueness
Unity
Usefulness
Vision
Vitality
Wealth
Winning
Wisdom
STEP 3.
 
Keeping in mind your reflections from Step 1, compare the remaining values/buckets of values. Which of the remaining values do you consistently honor in your life? Which would you like to prioritize more? 

 
You are trying to identify your top 10. 
 
It may help to pick two at a time and think about them side by side.  Your goal is to re-order them from least important (at the bottom) to most important (at the top). 
 
For example, if you are comparing Achievement and Adventure/Fun, you may think of a situation where you are given a last minute opportunity to travel to an exotic place you’ve always wanted to explore.  Perhaps it's a friend's destination wedding. At the same time, you are on track for a promotion at work, but know that taking time off would set you back and/or possibly cost you the promotion.  How would you resolve the conflict? Would you choose Adventure over Achievement or vice versa?  Re-order the values accordingly.

 
Prioritizing like this will take some time but it is a worthy exercise. 

WHEN YOU CAN CLEARLY DEFINE AND EXPRESS YOUR VALUES, YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF LIVING A MORE PURPOSEFUL AND CONTENT LIFE.  YOU WILL FIND IT EASIER TO MAKE IMPORTANT DECISIONS AND WILL FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THE CHOICES YOU MAKE. LIVING A LIFE IN ACCORDANCE WITH ONE’S VALUES MAY NOT ALWAYS BE EASY, BUT IT WILL ALWAYS GUIDE YOU IN THE DIRECTION THAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU.  

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It's Only In Your Mind...Is How the Story Goes

6/20/2017

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A couple of weeks ago, for my daughter’s birthday, a family friend sent her a gift: a book called “The Most Magnificent Thing.” It’s a story of a girl with an idea. 
 
It’s the most magnificent idea. Just what will it take to make it real?
 
“She knows just how it will look.  She knows just how it will work”, the story goes.  “Easy-peasy. But making the most magnificent thing turns out to be harder than she thinks. She measures, hammers, fastens, and adjusts again and again, but the thing just keeps turning out wrong. If only the thing WOULD JUST WORK!”
 
She tries and tries again. But it is still wrong.  The girl gets mad. Mad enough to want to quit.
 
“I am no good at this,” the girl says.
 
What happens then? Does she persevere? Or give up? How does she respond when she encounters a challenge?
 
In 2006, a psychologist and a professor at Stanford University, Carol Dweck, Ph.D., wrote a book called “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.”  In it, she introduces the idea of mindsets, or beliefs about yourself. 
 
As a scientist and researcher, Dweck discovered in the course of her career that people are predisposed to holding two separate mindsets, the fixed mindset and the growth mindset, and that the differences in how people think are already apparent in early childhood.
 
These differences are particularly evident in how people respond to failure. 
 
People with the fixed mindset believe that their success or failure is a direct reflection of their innate abilities.  In other words, if they succeed, it’s proof that they are smart and capable.  On the other hand, if they encounter a particularly difficult challenge, it’s proof that they are lacking in ability. They are less likely to try again after a failed attempt, because they are afraid of being perceived in a negative way, by themselves and others.    
 
Those with the growth mindset, however, see the results of their efforts not as a reflection on their ability, but as evidence of how hard they worked to solve the problem.  They approach problems with enthusiasm and see them as an opportunity to learn and get better.  If they meet with a challenging problem, their confidence in themselves does not deteriorate – but their resolve to find the solution grows. 
 
According to Dweck, the two mindsets lie on a continuum – the way you think is not a black-and-white dichotomy. She argues that with effort and awareness you can put yourself into the growth mindset even if you start out with the fixed. 
 
And that’s what ultimately happens with our little heroine from “The Most Magnificent Thing.” She goes for a walk, and with the help of a friend, she is able to gain a new perspective. 
 
Her previous failed attempts are no longer ALL WRONG. “There are some parts of the WRONG things that are really quite RIGHT. The bolts on one, the shape of another, the wheel-to-seat ratio of the next. There are all sorts of parts that she likes!” 
 
She gets back to work. By evening time, the girl is finished. 
 
She’s made The Most Magnificent Thing.  And best of all, she gets to enjoy it with her friend. 

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If Only I Could Be That Brave, said everyone

3/29/2017

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If you ever saw the movie “Three Kings”, you may remember this great scene with Archie Gates (George Clooney) and Conrad Vig (Spike Jonze), where they talk about courage. American soldiers stationed in the Gulf at the very end of war, they are about to attempt to rescue their friend from an enemy bunker. But Conrad expresses concern.
 
Archie Gates: You are scared, right?
Conrad Vig: Maybe.
Archie Gates: The way it works is, you do the thing you are scared sh!tless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.
Conrad Vig: That’s a dumb way to work. It should be the other way around.
Archie Gates: I know. That’s the way it works.
 
It would certainly be easier if it was the other way around. If all of us had this magical stockpile of courage, we could easily do what we were most scared of.  Arguably, then, everyone would be living their best, most expansive life. Or at least, attempting to.
 
But that is not how it works…
 
We have to take conscious action to overcome danger and face our fears. But even before we decide what action to take, we have to make another fundamental choice. We have to decide whether we allow the experience of risk and fear into our daily lives.
 
Most of us don’t have to put our lives on the line in battle.  We don’t have to showcase courage by doing something heroic. We have the luxury to wake up each morning, feeling generally safe, and go about our days choosing to act in a way that doesn’t put us at risk.  We can ignore our fears and avoid going outside our comfort zone. 
 
We don’t really need to be courageous.
 
Facing your fears means feeling discomfort. It means possible failure. And not everyone wants to feel discomfort. Very few of us, if any, want to risk failure. 
 
I recently came across and watched again the now famous 2005 Stanford University commencement speech by Steve Jobs.  The three stories from his life that he shares, about 1) connecting the dots after taking an unconventional path of dropping out of college, 2) having to start over after a very public failure (getting fired from Apple), and 3) his cancer diagnosis, all converge in one powerful underlying message:
 
Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
 
That is a wonderful, inspiring message. But what if you don’t feel courageous? What if you are terrified of change? What if you don’t want to seem a fool? What if you are struggling to make this harder choice?
 
“I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love,” Jobs says. 
 
Jobs was by any measure fortunate – he found what he loved when he was young. But he was also not immune to self-doubt in the face of rejection and had to overcome many obstacles and failures before he ultimately regained his footing and built a company that is now an icon around the world.  
 
Perhaps Jobs found the winning formula for being and staying bold.  Going towards challenges, embracing risk and confronting fear will never be as easy as staying in your comfort zone, at least on the surface.  But it is a much easier choice to make when you do it in the service of what you love.



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The Seven Second Elevator Pitch

2/28/2017

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Get on the elevator, fancy a job
On the seventh floor
You are going to the top
Stop. Doors open
You are only on two
In walks a woman in a suit. Looks at you
Speak, your brain says. She’s important
But your mouth feels numb
Sticky, gooey, like you’ve swallowed gum
You have only one chance to impress
Or hold your peace
What will it be? Fight or flight
No. Surprise
Calm and serenity wash over you
Handshake. Release
Eye contact. Hold
You’ve already spoken volumes
And you are only on four
Then a little voice says, don’t try so hard
Be yourself, and if it’s right
The connection will bloom
Chances are
You will know you’ve made it quite soon
Relax and enjoy
It’s a short ride to seven
So different from the work you must do
To get way up to heaven
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In the Garden, Over the Rainbow

7/27/2016

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Picture
When my youngest daughter was a toddler, her favorite book was “In The Garden”. We read that book every night before going to sleep, sometimes multiple times. We read it so much that she and I memorized each page. The words are still implanted vividly on my brain. “In the garden, many fruits and vegetables are growing. The orange carrot grows in the ground. I pick it and I eat it. The blueberries grow on the bush. I pick them and I eat them. The red tomato grows on the vine. I pick it and I eat it.”
 
It was an unlikely favorite, considering we lived in a high rise building in the middle of a city and there were no gardens around for miles.  But, who’s to say what speaks to us… She loved it and so every night we travelled together to that magical garden where many fruits and vegetables were growing. 
 
Fast forward to today. We have a house and a backyard. And now we have what you might call a small garden. It’s almost exactly like the book described. Eerie.
 
Then again, perhaps not…
 
As of a couple of hours ago, last I checked, there were no fruits and vegetables growing in our garden. Make no mistake, the seeds are in the ground, the plants are sprouting and happily enjoying sunshine, but…there are NO fruits and vegetables.
 
In April I wrote a blog about starting a new hobby: gardening. An unlikely hobby for me, a city girl at heart, but one I thought I’d try on for size given my new suburban residence.  The excitement of trying something new was palpable, and I dug right in, ready to get my hands dirty and learn some lessons along the way.
 
Today I am happy to report that after three months of watching and tending, the results are quite clear: complete and utter FAILURE!!! Well, that’s what it’s feeling like at the moment, but I am trying hard not to give in to the mental melodrama.
 
When something doesn’t go according to plan, it is certainly disappointing.  Whatever our chosen pursuit, when we commit, we put in effort, blood and tears into making sure we succeed.  I know I feel this way, and I am sure you do too. 
 
But, what if despite our best efforts, we do not get the results that we desire? What if after you prep the ground, water the seeds, tend and support the plants as they grow, while shooing away wild animals whenever possible, you still come up short?
 
I guess then you are not the gardening type. QUIT. You have neither the skills not the natural ability to make it happen. 
 
My little girl asked me the other day when we’ll be picking and eating the tomatoes from our garden, and I was tempted to say NEVER. But I caught myself just in time.
 
I don’t want to believe that story line. Instead, I’ll weave a different story.  I’ll tell myself and my little girl that in our garden, many fruits and vegetables will be growing…NEXT YEAR.
 
For now, we’ll have to gather tomatoes, and some additional lessons, from a different garden. One that grows in a land that’s not too far away, just over the rainbow, in our grandmother’s back yard.

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    Natasha Kosoff is a career coach and advocate for women's growth and development. She is committed to helping women achieve fulfillment and success in their careers and balance in their lives. 




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