Category: Beginning A New Chapter

Can You Name Your Top Values? This Exercise May Help.

9/27/2017

When was the last time you gave thought to what you value most?

Our values lie at the core of who we are – they define what we deem important in life and in work -- but they are very infrequently verbally expressed. Instead many of us choose to communicate what we value through our behavior and actions.

We are content and at peace when our values and our actions align. On the contrary, when we experience tension, anxiety and unrest, it is a sign that our beliefs and our actions are out of balance.

WHEN WE HONOR OUR VALUES, WE MAKE DECISIONS BASED ON CLEARLY DEFINED PRIORITIES. WE ARE PURPOSEFUL WITH OUR CHOICES AND WE FEEL A SENSE OF WHOLENESS AND FULFILLMENT. WHEN WE ARE OUT OF TOUCH WITH OUR VALUES, WE HAVE NO INTERNAL COMPASS TO HELP US MAKE DECISIONS. WE TEND TO PRIORITIZE THE WRONG THINGS WHICH CAN LEAD TO UNHAPPINESS AND DISSATISFACTION.

Often, we’ll have a vague recognition that something is wrong, but won’t take steps to delve deeper until a change in circumstance, such as starting a family, or a more negative event like a job loss or a family illness jolts us to action. Those events can serve as important wake-up calls, but should they be the only time we open ourselves to taking stock of what’s truly important?

Today is as good as any other day.

DEFINING OUR VALUES CAN HELP US MAKE IMPORTANT LIFE DECISIONS AND ANSWER IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.

- What type of job will I find fulfilling?

- How can I prioritize my personal and professional goals?

- Where should I live?

- What kind of role model do I want to be to my kids?

UNDERSTANDING WHAT YOU VALUE MOST IS THE FIRST STEP IN CREATING A ROAD MAP TO LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE. ALTHOUGH OUR CORE VALUES ARE GENERALLY STABLE, SOMETIMES AS WE GROW OR OUR SITUATIONS CHANGE, WHAT WE ONCE DEEMED IMPORTANT SHIFTS. OFTEN, WE WITNESS THOSE SHIFTS IN THINKING AFTER BIG LIFE EVENTS.

Keeping a check on our values is therefore a lifelong exercise. Taking some time to revisit what you value can help you stay on the right course, clarify your priorities and re-balance your life.

EXERCISE.

STEP 1.

Think about the times in your life (starting childhood through present) where you’ve felt happiest and most fulfilled. What were you doing (personally, professionally)? Who were you with? What goals were you accomplishing?

Write down any common themes. For example, you notice that you feel happiest and most fulfilled when you are entertaining others, spreading joy and laughter, putting on formal or informal performances, and being the life of the party. Or, you may be most fulfilled when you are helping others in need and providing a service that helps other people improve their circumstances. You like to provide help in times of crisis.

STEP 2.

Read through the list of values below. Go through the list once and cross out any values that clearly don’t match with what you deem important. For example, if you enjoy solitude, reading and quiet walks by yourself or a close friend, then socializing is probably not your most important value. Cross it off the list. Do this until you’ve narrowed down to 30-40 values.

Next, look through the remaining values and group together any values that overlap. For example, Honesty, Integrity, and Lack of Pretense would go together.

Accountability
Accuracy
Achievement
Adventure
Aesthetics
Affection
Altruism
Ambition
Assertiveness
Authenticity
Autonomy
Avoidance
Balance
Beauty
Belonging
Boldness
Calmness
Carefulness
Challenge
Cheerfulness
Clear-mindedness
Commitment
Community
Compassion
Competitiveness
Connection
Consistency
Contentment
Continuous Improvement
Contribution
Control
Cooperation
Correctness
Courtesy
Creativity
Culture
Curiosity
Decisiveness
Dependability
Determination
Devoutness
Dignity
Diligence
Discipline
Discretion
Diversity
Dynamism
Economy

Effectiveness
Efficiency
Elegance
Empathy
Empowerment
Enjoyment
Enlightenment
Enthusiasm
Entrepreneurship
Equality
Excellence
Exercise
Excitement
Expertise
Exploration
Expressiveness
Fairness
Faith
Fame
Family
Fidelity
Financial Security
Fitness
Fluency
Focus
Freedom
Friendship
Fun
Fulfillment
Generosity
Goodness
Grace
Growth
Happiness
Hard Work
Harmony
Health
Helping Society
Holiness
Honesty
Honor
Humility
Humor
Inclusivity
Independence
Ingenuity
Innovation
Inquisitiveness
Insightfulness

Integrity
Intelligence
Intellectual Status
Intimacy
Intuition
Joy
Justice
Lack of pretense
Leadership
Learning
Legacy
Leisure time
Love
Loyalty
Making a difference
Making money
Marriage
Mastery
Merit
Obedience
Openness
Opportunity
Order
Organization
Originality
Patriotism
Peace
Perfection
Performance
Perseverance
Personal Development
Piety
Playfulness
Positivity
Practicality
Preparedness
Professionalism
Prudence
Quality
Recognition
Reliability
Resourcefulness
Restraint
Respect
Results-oriented
Rigor
Risk-taking
Safety

Saving
Security
Self-actualization
Self-esteem
Self-control
Self-expression
Selflessness
Self-reliance
Self-respect
Sensitivity
Serenity
Service
Setting example
Shrewdness
Simplicity
Socializing
Social advancement
Solving problems
Soundness
Speed
Spirituality
Spontaneity
Stability
Strategic
Strength
Structure
Success
Support
Synergy
Teamwork
Temperance
Thankfulness
Thoroughness
Thoughtfulness
Timeliness
Tolerance
Tradition
Trustworthiness
Truth-seeking
Understanding
Uniqueness
Unity
Usefulness
Vision
Vitality
Wealth
Winning
Wisdom

STEP 3.

Keeping in mind your reflections from Step 1, compare the remaining values/buckets of values. Which of the remaining values do you consistently honor in your life? Which would you like to prioritize more?

You are trying to identify your top 10.

It may help to pick two at a time and think about them side by side. Your goal is to re-order them from least important (at the bottom) to most important (at the top).

For example, if you are comparing Achievement and Adventure/Fun, you may think of a situation where you are given a last minute opportunity to travel to an exotic place you’ve always wanted to explore. Perhaps it's a friend's destination wedding. At the same time, you are on track for a promotion at work, but know that taking time off would set you back and/or possibly cost you the promotion. How would you resolve the conflict? Would you choose Adventure over Achievement or vice versa? Re-order the values accordingly.

Prioritizing like this will take some time but it is a worthy exercise.

WHEN YOU CAN CLEARLY DEFINE AND EXPRESS YOUR VALUES, YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF LIVING A MORE PURPOSEFUL AND CONTENT LIFE. YOU WILL FIND IT EASIER TO MAKE IMPORTANT DECISIONS AND WILL FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THE CHOICES YOU MAKE. LIVING A LIFE IN ACCORDANCE WITH ONE’S VALUES MAY NOT ALWAYS BE EASY, BUT IT WILL ALWAYS GUIDE YOU IN THE DIRECTION THAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU.

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7 Tips For a Stronger Resume

7/26/2017

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A resume is one of the most important tools in your job search toolbox. Without a strong stand-out resume, it is virtually guaranteed that your application for a job will be overlooked by the prospective employer.

Even if you have networked extensively and have an established connection at the company you are seeking to work at, you cannot underestimate the importance of a well-crafted resume.

Your resume is the prologue to the story you tell the employer about yourself and your professional background. It tells the employer where you’ve been and where you want to be headed next. It lays the setting for further conversation.

And you know that in today’s competitive job market, you can’t afford to showcase yourself in any but the best possible light.

Which is why, I recommend that you spend a good chunk of time editing and updating your resume before clicking ‘send’. This is particularly important if it’s been a while since you’ve updated the document and/or are considering switching careers.

Below are 7 tips for drafting a stronger resume:

Make Sure the Formatting is Consistent and Resume is Typo-free

Tiny details often tell a much bigger story. Formatting may seem less important that the substance of your resume, but make no mistake. If the formatting is not consistent throughout the document, it says one thing about you: you rush to get the job done. No employer wants to see quality sacrificed for speed. The same point applies to typos. Take extra time and read each bullet point over at least twice to make sure there are absolutely no errors or inconsistencies.

The Resume Length Should Be 1- 2 pages

Unless you are an academic or a scientist and have a long list of publications to list, it is not generally recommended that your resume exceed 2 pages. For young professionals without an extensive job history, the ideal length is 1 page.

In today’s competitive job market, it’s not unusual for an employer to receive hundreds of resumes for one position. A hiring manager will likely spend only a minute, if that, reviewing your resume before deciding whether you make the cut for an interview or not. They want to quickly assess your qualifications and appreciate a concisely crafted document.

Use a Chronological Format

You have likely come across two different formats for a resume: chronological and functional (or sometimes a mix of those two). In a chronological resume, as the title implies, you list your experience chronologically, with accomplishments as they pertain to each job experience. In a functional resume, on another hand, you highlight your abilities and categorize your skills instead of creating a timeline for your work experience.

If you are a career changer, are re-entering the workforce, or have gaps in your resume, you may prefer the functional format because it takes the focus off the gaps. You may think that works in your favor. And there are times you may be right.

However, when a prospective employer picks up your resume, she wants to quickly understand your work history. Functional resumes typically take longer to piece together, and the hiring manager may simply choose not to take the time to do so. It may also seem that you are trying to hide the gaps, rather than focusing on your skills and abilities, and your efforts can backfire.

So, why not play it safe and use the more popular chronological format? Then spend some time drafting a good cover letter where you tell your story and summarize your skills.

List any Gaps in Employment

This point is related to the recommendation above. Yes, you may be concerned about putting down gaps in your resume, particularly large gaps, however it is better to be upfront about them than seem like you are trying to hide something.

If you have taken time off to raise a family, as one example, put that down. Took time to travel? List that as well. If during the “break”, you did consulting or freelance work, be sure to list those projects. Any volunteer experience during the gaps should not go in the work experience section, but in a separate volunteer section.

Tailor Your Resume to the Job Description

The days of the standard resume are gone. You can no longer send the same resume to multiple employers and expect that you will be rewarded with a call back. Want to show you are genuinely interested in the job? Then take some time to tweak your resume and customize it to fit the job to which you are applying.

How can you tailor for best results?

First of all, create a compelling narrative throughout the resume that shows your work history and prior experiences are a good fit to the desired position. You will have to show you have built a set of skills in your prior roles that will be transferrable to the new position. Put emphasis and highlight the type of work that’s relevant to the new job. Delete or minimize any work or other experience that doesn’t directly apply.

Use keywords listed in the job description. This point is important! Many times your resume may not even make it past the employer’s applicant tracking system, if the wording within the resume does not match with the specific skills and qualifications listed in the job description.

Scan the job description carefully to make sure you understand the requirements of the position. Then, identify your past work/projects that match those requirements and use the same vocabulary used by the hiring manager to describe the experience in your resume. But no embellishments or exaggerations! Those can become obvious down the line and will surely backfire.

Quantify Your Achievements

When you talk about your experience, what do you want the prospective employer to remember? That you worked on some project they’ve never heard of, or that you can produce results? Likely the second. You are an attractive candidate because you have proven time and time again that you can deliver by increasing sales, revenues, or by creating more efficient processes. Show and quantify those achievements for each role you list on your resume. Talk about any improvements that you were responsible for.

Use Strong Language – Action Verbs and Keywords

If your Experience section is packed with words like “managed”, “led”, or “oversaw”, perhaps it’s time to update it. Although common, these words have become so overused that they risk obscuring and minimizing your true accomplishments. Worse yet, instead of highlighting your uniqueness, you’ll seem like everybody else.

So, why not be a bit creative?

Start out each description with strong action verbs instead. Try “headed”, “planned”, “executed”, “organized”, “built”, “created” or “implemented”, as just some examples. Don’t stop there. Look up action verbs for more great ideas.

And don’t forget to sprinkle in the all-important keywords. As mentioned before, hiring managers search by keywords to find resumes that match the skills and qualifications listed in job description. Make sure your resume includes those keywords.

Use Bullet Points

This may be an obvious point, but it can’t hurt to repeat it. The clearer your resume, the easier it is for the prospective employer to get a quick grasp of your history and identify your key leadership roles, contributions and accomplishments. Use bullets to communicate your information clearly and effectively. When you show that you can create a well-organized resume, you will be sure to stand out from the crowd.

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It's Only In Your Mind...Is How the Story Goes

6/20/2017

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A couple of weeks ago, for my daughter’s birthday, a family friend sent her a gift: a book called “The Most Magnificent Thing.” It’s a story of a girl with an idea.

It’s the most magnificent idea. Just what will it take to make it real?

“She knows just how it will look. She knows just how it will work”, the story goes. “Easy-peasy. But making the most magnificent thing turns out to be harder than she thinks. She measures, hammers, fastens, and adjusts again and again, but the thing just keeps turning out wrong. If only the thing WOULD JUST WORK!”

She tries and tries again. But it is still wrong. The girl gets mad. Mad enough to want to quit.

“I am no good at this,” the girl says.

What happens then? Does she persevere? Or give up? How does she respond when she encounters a challenge?

In 2006, a psychologist and a professor at Stanford University, Carol Dweck, Ph.D., wrote a book called “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.” In it, she introduces the idea of mindsets, or beliefs about yourself.

As a scientist and researcher, Dweck discovered in the course of her career that people are predisposed to holding two separate mindsets, the fixed mindset and the growth mindset, and that the differences in how people think are already apparent in early childhood.

These differences are particularly evident in how people respond to failure.

People with the fixed mindset believe that their success or failure is a direct reflection of their innate abilities. In other words, if they succeed, it’s proof that they are smart and capable. On the other hand, if they encounter a particularly difficult challenge, it’s proof that they are lacking in ability. They are less likely to try again after a failed attempt, because they are afraid of being perceived in a negative way, by themselves and others.

Those with the growth mindset, however, see the results of their efforts not as a reflection on their ability, but as evidence of how hard they worked to solve the problem. They approach problems with enthusiasm and see them as an opportunity to learn and get better. If they meet with a challenging problem, their confidence in themselves does not deteriorate – but their resolve to find the solution grows.

According to Dweck, the two mindsets lie on a continuum – the way you think is not a black-and-white dichotomy. She argues that with effort and awareness you can put yourself into the growth mindset even if you start out with the fixed.

And that’s what ultimately happens with our little heroine from “The Most Magnificent Thing.” She goes for a walk, and with the help of a friend, she is able to gain a new perspective.

Her previous failed attempts are no longer ALL WRONG. “There are some parts of the WRONG things that are really quite RIGHT. The bolts on one, the shape of another, the wheel-to-seat ratio of the next. There are all sorts of parts that she likes!”

She gets back to work. By evening time, the girl is finished.

She’s made The Most Magnificent Thing. And best of all, she gets to enjoy it with her friend.

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Trick Your Body. Master Your Mind.

5/26/2017

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We’ve all been there. After weeks, or sometimes months, of networking, you finally score an interview. You are now one step closer to getting the job you’ve been aiming for, and you are excited. You begin to visualize yourself in your dream job and it feels so right. You belong there, but your goal is still only a dot on the horizon.

For now, though, you have to ace the interview.

The stakes are high.

You need to perform at your best, but how do you handle such a high pressure scenario? You are about to be evaluated and judged, and as if on cue, the feelings of anxiety and insecurity start creeping in. Yes, this is your chance to evaluate as well – the fit, the culture, the team. But, there will be time for that later.

For the time being, though, how can you maintain the confidence needed to perform at your best? How do you stay in the moment, instead of experiencing self-doubt and imagining the worst outcome?

Conventional wisdom will tell you to thoroughly prepare. And it is true that preparation helps to reduce anxiety and boost self-confidence. Researching the organization before the interview, thinking through potential questions, and having prepared answers, especially for any tough questions you might expect or fear, will most likely make the difference between being chosen for the next round or not.

But, let’s say you have done your best to prepare, yet the anxiousness remains. Or, you are confident the day before the big interview, but as you step into the waiting area your heart begins to race and your head starts playing tricks on you. Suddenly, your mind goes blank and your worst fears begin to materialize.

Are you about to fail? What can you do to recover, to master your insecurities, to get back to your place of calm? Is there a way to become more present?

Turns out there is. Perhaps you’ve heard of a technique called power posing.

Power posing was introduced to the mainstream by Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist and an associate professor at Harvard Business School who studies how nonverbal behavior influences people’s judgements. She is most known for her widely popular 2012 Ted Talk “Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are”.

In her talk, Cuddy introduced the idea that our body language can influence how we view ourselves, and in turn, how others view us. Basing her talk on prior research conducted with colleagues from the University of Berkeley, Cuddy shows how by adopting “power poses” for as little as 2 minutes we can affect our thinking and self-perception.

Cuddy describes how our bodies have a biological response to “high-power” (open, spread out arms, arms on hips or stretching behind your head etc.) vs. “low-power” (hunched down body, hands covering neck or hands crossed over body etc.) poses.

When we hold “high-power” poses, our bodies react by increasing our levels of testosterone and decreasing our levels of cortisol, both of which are shown to lead to higher confidence and decreased anxiety.

Those effects then carry over to our interactions with others. Our higher levels of self-confidence allow us to put our best foot forward in situations that require it most, if only for a short while.

Cuddy calls this a mind-body hack.

Sounds a bit illicit, right?

Hacking others’ systems may be considered a suspect pursuit. But hacking your own?

Centuries ago, the indelible Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu referred to this concept a bit differently. “Mastering others is true strength, mastering yourself is true power” said Tzu, and these wise words still resonate today.

Perhaps his teachings gained ground before hacking came into vogue, but which one of us will disagree that a two-minute hack to get some personal power is not a bad short-term solution, especially when you may be still working towards lifelong self-mastery.

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Congrats Grad. Now You Have a Job to Do.

4/27/2017

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In a couple of weeks, colleges and universities around the country will wish farewell to thousands of eager new graduates. In a span of a few hours, this new cohort of grads will transition from a comfortable safety of school to the vast and uncertain terrain of the current job market.

Those that are lucky have a position already lined up. But for many, the competitive job environment foreshadows a tough uphill struggle to land their first job. Although the overall outlook of many new grads is one of optimism and hopeful expectations, current realities suggest that it would be wise to mix idealism with practicality.

Although employers will always be drawn to applicants with strong academic records and a toolkit of technical skills, companies are showing a heightened preference for industry experience even for entry-level jobs. This has been particularly true in recent years as the applicant pool has swollen to include those who were laid-off in the downturn and the underemployed looking for more work.

In addition, increased appetite for more non-traditional candidates suggests that employers are starting to recognize and value the backgrounds and qualities that are the linchpin of these applicants.

Companies like Deloitte, PwC, Goldman Sacks, Bloomberg, PayPal, and many others, are starting to bring on board hundreds of women (and men) who are returning from a career break. Google, as just one example, has hired candidates with entrepreneurial backgrounds (and without college degrees), who can compete effectively in their application process.

What this suggests is that today’s employer is seeking an expanded set of qualifications and skills, from what was traditionally considered desirable.

It is no longer sufficient to have a high GPA, and the name of a good school on your resume. To get your foot in the door, you will also need to show that you possess:

1. Real-world experience

Work-study and summer jobs, internships and industry volunteer experience provide an opportunity to “try-on” a job. They are a great way to get hands-on experience in a particular role, learn technical skills and gain understanding of what it’s like to work within an organizational culture. Employers are increasingly looking for this type of real-world experience because it helps them identify previously vetted applicants, and bring on board candidates that have shown the desire and the ability to work within a particular role.

2. Resilience

Resilience is the ability to quickly get back on your feet after failure or set-backs. Frequently, years leading up to and through college present a protective shell designed to help students thrive and explore freely, but provide few opportunities for taking risk, and thereby truly experiencing set-backs. Failing, and most importantly, persevering through set-backs, is key to continued growth and development. Today, companies are on a mission to hire individuals who can show that they can quickly overcome hurdles and learn from mistakes while continuing to improve their performance.

3. Ability to think independently and creatively

Although organizations will cite “being a team-player” as one of the key criteria for their new hires, at the same time they seek individuals who can show that they can be autonomous and think outside-the-box. Can you make your own decisions, and come up with unique strategies and solutions that improve internal processes? Can you be given a wide bandwidth within which you can do your job? Do you have potential for leadership within the company? These are some of the questions an employer will be considering during the interview process.

4. Listening and communication skills

Employers know that individuals who communicate clearly can build and maintain relationships more easily, than those that have not developed those skills. As a result, these individuals are easier to work with and manage, and are able to perform well in group settings. Listening and being able to accurately interpret what others say, as well as synthesize information, are the linchpin of good communication. Employees also need to be able to express themselves clearly, both verbally and in writing. This is particularly true in our technological age, where face-to-face communication is frequently replaced with virtual. Can you show that you are a strong communicator? Employers will love to talk to you.

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The Seven Second Elevator Pitch

2/28/2017

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Get on the elevator, fancy a job
On the seventh floor
You are going to the top
Stop. Doors open
You are only on two
In walks a woman in a suit. Looks at you
Speak, your brain says. She’s important
But your mouth feels numb
Sticky, gooey, like you’ve swallowed gum
You have only one chance to impress
Or hold your peace
What will it be? Fight or flight
No. Surprise
Calm and serenity wash over you
Handshake. Release
Eye contact. Hold
You’ve already spoken volumes
And you are only on four
Then a little voice says, don’t try so hard
Be yourself, and if it’s right
The connection will bloom
Chances are
You will know you’ve made it quite soon
Relax and enjoy
It’s a short ride to seven
So different from the work you must do
To get way up to heaven

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In the Garden, Over the Rainbow

7/27/2016

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When my youngest daughter was a toddler, her favorite book was “In The Garden”. We read that book every night before going to sleep, sometimes multiple times. We read it so much that she and I memorized each page. The words are still implanted vividly on my brain. “In the garden, many fruits and vegetables are growing. The orange carrot grows in the ground. I pick it and I eat it. The blueberries grow on the bush. I pick them and I eat them. The red tomato grows on the vine. I pick it and I eat it.”

It was an unlikely favorite, considering we lived in a high rise building in the middle of a city and there were no gardens around for miles. But, who’s to say what speaks to us… She loved it and so every night we travelled together to that magical garden where many fruits and vegetables were growing.

Fast forward to today. We have a house and a backyard. And now we have what you might call a small garden. It’s almost exactly like the book described. Eerie.

Then again, perhaps not…

As of a couple of hours ago, last I checked, there were no fruits and vegetables growing in our garden. Make no mistake, the seeds are in the ground, the plants are sprouting and happily enjoying sunshine, but…there are NO fruits and vegetables.

In April I wrote a blog about starting a new hobby: gardening. An unlikely hobby for me, a city girl at heart, but one I thought I’d try on for size given my new suburban residence. The excitement of trying something new was palpable, and I dug right in, ready to get my hands dirty and learn some lessons along the way.

Today I am happy to report that after three months of watching and tending, the results are quite clear: complete and utter FAILURE!!! Well, that’s what it’s feeling like at the moment, but I am trying hard not to give in to the mental melodrama.

When something doesn’t go according to plan, it is certainly disappointing. Whatever our chosen pursuit, when we commit, we put in effort, blood and tears into making sure we succeed. I know I feel this way, and I am sure you do too.

But, what if despite our best efforts, we do not get the results that we desire? What if after you prep the ground, water the seeds, tend and support the plants as they grow, while shooing away wild animals whenever possible, you still come up short?

I guess then you are not the gardening type. QUIT. You have neither the skills not the natural ability to make it happen.

My little girl asked me the other day when we’ll be picking and eating the tomatoes from our garden, and I was tempted to say NEVER. But I caught myself just in time.

I don’t want to believe that story line. Instead, I’ll weave a different story. I’ll tell myself and my little girl that in our garden, many fruits and vegetables will be growing…NEXT YEAR.

For now, we’ll have to gather tomatoes, and some additional lessons, from a different garden. One that grows in a land that’s not too far away, just over the rainbow, in our grandmother’s back yard.

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When an Elephant in the Room is not Your Biggest Problem...

6/27/2016

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The other day, in my daughter’s bedroom, I came across a book she received as a parting graduation gift from pre-school, “The Blind Men and the Elephant”. If you haven’t read the story, it is an old Sufi fable about six blind men who, having never met an elephant, go to the prince’s palace to find out what the elephant is like. When they get to the palace, the prince’s guard lets each of the men touch the elephant. Later, while resting, they begin to discuss what they experienced, but the discussion dissolves into an argument.

The men are in disagreement about what they “saw.” The first, having touched an elephant’s side thinks the elephant is a wall. The second touches the trunk and thinks the elephant is a snake. The third and the fourth touch the tusk and the leg, and think the animal is a spear or a tree, respectively. The fifth touches the ear and thinks it’s a fan, while the last is certain the elephant is a rope, having touched its tail. Only with the help of the wise prince, who comes to help resolve the argument, are the men able to recognize the full truth – that the elephant is really a combination of all the parts they touched.

There are many different interpretations to the story, but the one I keep coming across and that resonates the most, is the idea that our personal experiences are inherently limited to our own viewpoints, but that the objective truth can be discovered or understood if we open up our worldview to include the perspectives of others.

At the time my daughter received the book, I thought it was a bit pre-mature. After all, what 5 year-old is able to grasp the complexity of this moral? 5 year-olds are fundamentally self-focused in their perceptions of the world around them. It is difficult for them to see things from another’s point of view. Sure enough, after she and I read the book a couple of times, it was discarded to the back of her bookcase. My daughter moved on to more exciting literature like “Captain Underpants” and “Beezus and Ramona”.

I, on the other hand, have come back to it a few times over the past year, and as this season of graduations just rolled past us, I found myself thinking of it again, and starting to appreciate the foresight of the pre-school gift.

These turning points remind me of the deep feelings of excitement and uncertainty as one life chapter ends and another begins. What is around the corner? What new experiences and lessons will the new chapter bring? What challenges will we need to overcome? As we move on to new life phases, from early age to adulthood, we build and deepen our understanding of ourselves and the world around us. We do it by slowly opening up our worldview to encompass that of others.

My 5 year-old, who today is sure she has all the answers, will realize soon that having an inflexible, rigid approach can only weaken her ability to solve problems, and to experience life in all of its richness and diversity.

Today, she has many blind spots. She has to travel a long way to see the many dimensions of life. Today, when problems and misunderstandings arise, she insists she alone is right. Today, when she has not yet faced any real life challenges, her thinking is at best cute, at worst a bit frustrating.

Tomorrow, it will be profoundly limiting. Tomorrow, I hope she discovers that although she may never have all of the answers, if she learns to listen and accept others’ diverse viewpoints, she will be closer to the wisdom and truth that many of us seek to attain. And perhaps if all of us learned to do that, in our collective wisdom, we would be so much better equipped to consider life’s many clear and hidden problems, those elusive elephants in the room.

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5 Strategies to Help You Make a Successful Transition to a New Job

5/24/2016

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Transitions are hard. Like other major life events, a job or career change, whether voluntary or involuntary, will likely be a period of highs and lows that will test you and your family.

So, when you finally do land a position, the feelings of elation and relief will be palpable. Oftentimes, however, the emotional tension felt during the transition does not fully lift when the job search process is over. Now you are faced with a new challenge. Starting a new job can be overwhelming, and can require you to re-align your routine, priorities and responsibilities.

If you find yourself nervous about heading back to work or starting a new position, you may benefit from these 5 strategies to help ease the transition:

Prepare Your Family

People who are closest to you often experience the changes occurring in your life with similar intensity. So, you can be sure that when you make a move to a new job – with it’s new demands on your time and energy – your family will be affected. You can help your spouse, kids, or anyone else in your immediate family affected by the change by setting clear expectations of what’s to come. A few days before you start a new job, sit down together to talk about your new schedule. School-aged kids who are old enough to understand the changes will benefit the most from having a talk. This will also give them an opportunity to ask questions and voice any concerns. If you will be gone for extended periods (for work-related travel), or if a caretaker will need to step in – this kind of conversation will be particularly important.

Go to Sleep Early, Starting on Weekends

It goes without saying that you cannot do your best when you are tired. And a new job will be certain to sap your energy as you ramp up to speed. You may be going on overdrive in the office. And it may be hard to relax when you get home, as you process your new experiences, as well as try to carve out quality time with family at the end of the day. It’s easy to stretch out the night into the wee hours, but resist the urge to do it all. The garbage can wait another day to be taken out. The mail does not have to be opened today. Go to bed an hour early. Arianna Huffington said it best. “Everything you do, you’ll do better with a good night’s sleep.”

Be Ready to Work Hard and Do Your Best from Day One

Whether you will be working in a similar role in a new company, or making a big career change, you will likely have a steep learning curve transitioning to your new responsibilities and getting acquainted with a new company culture. You’ve shown in the interview process that you have the experience to do the job, and you passed the “fit” test. But whatever your prior accomplishments, as a new recruit you will still have to prove yourself all over again. The faster you build your credibility by working hard and being a team-player, the better your long-term chances of success at the new company.

Focus on Building Relationships with Your New Co-workers

You are a new guy (or gal) at the office. Making new friends is never easy, and it can be particularly challenging when you are joining an already formed team. But making close connections with people you work with can be crucial not only to your on-going job performance, but to your overall well-being. Spend some time getting to know your new co-workers not only professionally, but personally, over coffee or lunch. As they so aptly say, it will feed your stomach and will nourish your soul.

Thank and Keep in Touch with People Who Helped You

We all have a network of people we look to for help when we are in a transition. They are our family, friends, past colleagues, acquaintances, or people whom we don’t yet know but could be introduced to by our inner circle. Networking is a crucial part of making a job change, and it is a well-known fact that most times you will find your new position through someone in your network, rather than through job boards, recruiters or cold calls.

If you were lucky to have people who helped you, remember and thank them after the fact. Whatever their contributions and gestures of support – these are your friends who you can count on. One day you’ll be there for them.

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How Picking Up a New Hobby Turned Out to Be Fertile Ground for Some Important Life Lessons

4/21/2016

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Spring is the perfect time to begin a new chapter. New buds are popping from the trees excited by sunshine. Plants, birds and people have woken from the winter slumber and come together outdoors to celebrate this time of year.

Are you freshly excited to try something new? Perhaps a new job is on the horizon? Or maybe you’ve just begun to think about making a change. Are you moving, or thinking of trying a new hobby? Or, perhaps you’ve decided to turn your hobby into a business? Whatever your situation, spring is the time of renewal.

I, too, have decided to try something new.

I am a city girl that has recently been transplanted to the suburbs. I have very little knowledge about the great outdoors, and until recently I have never had to worry about a back yard. This is certainly not a source of pride, and neither is the fact that I have never planted anything in my life.

So, given my new circumstance, I have decided that it’s time to change the status quo. I have decided that this year I am going to learn how to plant a garden. Or, at least a couple of vegetables and berries.

Easier said than done, but I have committed and I don’t want to let myself down. So, I am diving head first, and even though I’m just at the cusp of the planting season, I’ve already accumulated a few lessons learned.

First of all, learning something new is terrifying

I am realizing that as far as my gardening knowledge-bank is concerned, I am not just at zero, I am quite possibly in the negative. Until recently, I didn’t know where to buy the potting soil. Perhaps I am a bit afraid of my efforts being a flop, but mostly, I am hesitant because I don’t know where to start. To say the least, this is overwhelming and somewhat terrifying.

Taking small steps will give you the confidence to move forward

It’s been a while since I picked up a new hobby, and I’ve forgotten what it feels like to push yourself into new territory. My 6 year-old is starting to ride a bike, and she is a bit scared. I’ve tried to tell her what to do to best keep her balance. But then I realized she needs to do it her own way – she needs to first get a feel for her bike. To spend some time just sitting on it, with feet on the ground. This will give her the confidence to begin pedaling on her own. Small steps.

Like her, I am spending more time outdoors, just looking at the garden bed. Getting familiar with what it looks like. Learning the names of the flowers that were planted there before. Trying to discern the difference between weeds and plants. I am being mindful about the experience, and it is helping me take the next step in the process.

Having a detailed plan will set you up for success

If you are planting this year, now is the time to start planning ahead – to start thinking about what you want to plant, buying the seeds, and doing some prep work on the garden bed. As a novice, I am learning that there are specific steps I need to take, now, and again when the soil warms up enough for the seeds to grow. Plant too soon, and the garden will not take.

I am learning what I need to plant, how much water and sun exposure the seeds will need, how much space to allocate, how to weed, and about the importance of soil quality. I am doing prep work like a good job hunter before her networking conversations and interviews.

Don’t get discouraged when things don’t go according to plan

Things won’t always go according to plan, and I am already seeing the warning signs. Apparently, I am not the only one who likes to smell the flowers and munch on fresh garden goodness. The cute bunny family that we “adopted” as our outdoor pets are already starting to cause problems. I’ve just had to shoo one off the yard, and I know it’s just a matter of time until he comes back, and brings friends. I am trying not to get discouraged, but I know what will really help is not to wish them away, but to buy a garden net.

Steady work pays off and makes you feel fulfilled

As much as I want to see quick results, I am learning to be patient and to take it step-by-step. I know that if I am careful and steady, my work will eventually pay off. In the past couple of weeks, I have already learned more about gardening that in the previous 40 years. Above all, this has taught me the most important lesson to date – a new challenge is fun and it’s making me happy to stretch beyond my comfort zone.

To be continued…

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