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We’ve all had a case of what ifs. What if it’s not the right move? What if I fail? What if they don’t like me? What if I can’t hack it? So often the what ifs subtly but persistently tug us away from what our heart most desires. If you’ve ever tried to step out of your comfort zone, you know what I am talking about. Whether it’s speaking in front of a crowd, traveling alone, switching jobs, or even something as small as opening up to a new friend, the what ifs, the fear of the unknown can stop you cold in your tracks.
Fear is a powerful derailer. But it doesn’t have to be. Perhaps one of life’s biggest challenges is learning how to embrace the fears that paralyze us, learn from them, and to go for your dream anyway. After my leave of absence was over, I came back to my old job. I wasn’t ready to quit. The Coaching classes opened my eyes to a new possibility. One that I wanted to pursue further. But I wasn’t yet ready to tackle the unknown of being unemployed, and of closing off all of my other options. In truth, I was scared. Even though my intuition told me that I was on the right track, I couldn’t let go of the paralyzing what ifs. It is remarkable how talented we can be at making excuses, going down different (easier!) roads, so that we don’t have to face our fears. Still unhappy in my current job, I created a list of workable alternatives. Those mostly consisted of different jobs in my current field – I thought I could hold on to the safety of what I knew, while improving on the role I was performing. When you are in the wrong place, or trying to climb up the wrong tree, life has a way of gently reminding you of your foolishness as the tree branches continually smack you in the face on your way up. I was getting rejected. Perhaps what was not yet clear to me was clear to everyone else. Although painful, this exercise proved to be a valuable next step. It gave me more clarity. As I let go of the safe alternatives, I began to explore my other options that would necessitate a bigger life adjustment. Slowly I began to narrow down my list.
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If it’s not the first time you woke up with a sense of anxiety about going to work, you are not alone. Often we go through the motions of making it though yet another day while knowing deep down that we are in the wrong place. Yet something is stopping us from moving on. This was exactly where I was 6-7 years ago.
Deeply unfulfilled but nonetheless succeeding in my chosen field (banking regulation), I knew that something was amiss but didn’t know where to start to get my life back on the right track. I had ideas (perhaps too many ideas!) about where I’d rather be, but somehow felt that I wasn’t ready to commit to any of them. Was teaching a better fit for me? Or was it Education Administration? Or perhaps something more along the lines of Human Resources or Organizational Development? Should I get a Masters in Social Work? Or maybe a position in a non-profit where I could help to solve local or global problems? There were too many options and I was clearly lost. By then I had vague ideas of what I enjoyed doing and even better notions of what I didn’t. It turned out that was a good place to start. One day at work (desperate to do anything else but the current task at hand), I made a list of my strengths and everything I thought I was good at. A common thread that ran through the list was that I liked working with people (teaching, counseling, building connections, etc) and I liked to help them solve problems. So, what on earth brought me to banking? Well….it must have been my interview skills… I bought a few books on career change. I took a personality assessment. As I struggled to get through my days at the office, it helped to focus some of my energy on figuring out a way forward. The clerk at the self-help section of the Wall Street Barnes and Noble began to smile at me as I approached. I felt like I was playing a game of hot and cold. I was getting warmer. But I still was unsure of where I belonged. What do you do if you don’t know where to begin? How do you re-group and re-evaluate your options? First of all. Step back. Create some distance. I decided to take a leave of absence. My goal: uninterrupted time to evaluate options. I found an intensive month-long course offering in Coaching at NYU. The timing was right, the financial commitment was low, and it sounded like my cup of tea. This was the serendipitous beginning of my newfound path. |
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