 The fall has finally arrived, and with it, the need to re-organize my closet. Every year at this time I carve out some time to put away the shorts, tank tops and dresses, and pull out the cozy sweaters, leggings and jeans. The crisp air outside motivates me not to delay.
Yet, I can’t say that I particularly enjoy this process. Yes, this is a great opportunity to re-evaluate my wardrobe and to get rid of things I no longer like. I know the 80/20 rule – that most of us wear just 20 percent of our wardrobe 80 percent of the time. In my case, it’s more like 10 percent of the wardrobe 99 percent of the time. But still, for one reason or another, I hesitate to minimize. It’s tedious. It’s time consuming. And most of all, there is that perennial question that hangs over my carefully curated closet…what if? What if I change my mind? What if I come to regret it? What if I grow to like this piece again? What if? What if? What if? It strikes me that in some ways this process of decision-making is similar to the way that many career changers approach their transition. You know that the career you’ve chosen to pursue is no longer working. Deep down you know it’s time to make a change. Yet this realization remains just an inkling while you rationalize to yourself why you shouldn’t. Last week, I attended a panel on career transitions, where a room full of want-to-be career changers listened to sage advice and insight of those who already found their career holy grail. The number one take-away? Don’t wait. Waiting, and then finally taking the plunge towards a new career, months, or sometimes years later, seemed to have been the common thread in all the stories shared that evening. Someone waited because they felt they invested too much time and money into their education. Someone waited because they wanted to finish the degree they already knew was not the right fit -- but they had only one year to go in school. Someone waited because they didn’t want to move – moving ended up leading them to a network of new connections and ultimately, discovering how to blend their interests into a profitable business. Finally, someone waited because they didn’t know what else to do. They had been following the safe path of getting a good degree, finding a good job, and making good money. All the panelists ultimately woke up and realized they’ve been waiting long enough. The time had come to make a change. In hindsight, they all were acutely aware of the passage of time – the time they spent waiting vs. the time they spent actively in transition – one period marked by uncertainly, hesitation, depression, and rationalization; the other period marked by empowering decisions that brought them closer to their dreams. The take-away was not to wait. Even if the only thing you knew with certainty was that you didn’t like what you currently did. At the end of the event, the moderator turned to the audience. Any last questions? There was one. What signs do I look for as I try to identify what I should do next? Look for things that bring you joy was the response of one of the panelists. What are the things you gravitate to over and over again? What are the favorites in your closet? Everything else can go or take its honorary place in the back.
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 When was the last time you gave thought to what you value most? Our values lie at the core of who we are – they define what we deem important in life and in work -- but they are very infrequently verbally expressed. Instead many of us choose to communicate what we value through our behavior and actions. We are content and at peace when our values and our actions align. On the contrary, when we experience tension, anxiety and unrest, it is a sign that our beliefs and our actions are out of balance. WHEN WE HONOR OUR VALUES, WE MAKE DECISIONS BASED ON CLEARLY DEFINED PRIORITIES. WE ARE PURPOSEFUL WITH OUR CHOICES AND WE FEEL A SENSE OF WHOLENESS AND FULFILLMENT. WHEN WE ARE OUT OF TOUCH WITH OUR VALUES, WE HAVE NO INTERNAL COMPASS TO HELP US MAKE DECISIONS. WE TEND TO PRIORITIZE THE WRONG THINGS WHICH CAN LEAD TO UNHAPPINESS AND DISSATISFACTION. Often, we’ll have a vague recognition that something is wrong, but won’t take steps to delve deeper until a change in circumstance, such as starting a family, or a more negative event like a job loss or a family illness jolts us to action. Those events can serve as important wake-up calls, but should they be the only time we open ourselves to taking stock of what’s truly important? Today is as good as any other day. DEFINING OUR VALUES CAN HELP US MAKE IMPORTANT LIFE DECISIONS AND ANSWER IMPORTANT QUESTIONS. - What type of job will I find fulfilling? - How can I prioritize my personal and professional goals? - Where should I live? - What kind of role model do I want to be to my kids? UNDERSTANDING WHAT YOU VALUE MOST IS THE FIRST STEP IN CREATING A ROAD MAP TO LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE. ALTHOUGH OUR CORE VALUES ARE GENERALLY STABLE, SOMETIMES AS WE GROW OR OUR SITUATIONS CHANGE, WHAT WE ONCE DEEMED IMPORTANT SHIFTS. OFTEN, WE WITNESS THOSE SHIFTS IN THINKING AFTER BIG LIFE EVENTS. Keeping a check on our values is therefore a lifelong exercise. Taking some time to revisit what you value can help you stay on the right course, clarify your priorities and re-balance your life. EXERCISE. STEP 1. Think about the times in your life (starting childhood through present) where you’ve felt happiest and most fulfilled. What were you doing (personally, professionally)? Who were you with? What goals were you accomplishing? Write down any common themes. For example, you notice that you feel happiest and most fulfilled when you are entertaining others, spreading joy and laughter, putting on formal or informal performances, and being the life of the party. Or, you may be most fulfilled when you are helping others in need and providing a service that helps other people improve their circumstances. You like to provide help in times of crisis. STEP 2. Read through the list of values below. Go through the list once and cross out any values that clearly don’t match with what you deem important. For example, if you enjoy solitude, reading and quiet walks by yourself or a close friend, then socializing is probably not your most important value. Cross it off the list. Do this until you’ve narrowed down to 30-40 values. Next, look through the remaining values and group together any values that overlap. For example, Honesty, Integrity, and Lack of Pretense would go together.
STEP 3.
Keeping in mind your reflections from Step 1, compare the remaining values/buckets of values. Which of the remaining values do you consistently honor in your life? Which would you like to prioritize more? You are trying to identify your top 10. It may help to pick two at a time and think about them side by side. Your goal is to re-order them from least important (at the bottom) to most important (at the top). For example, if you are comparing Achievement and Adventure/Fun, you may think of a situation where you are given a last minute opportunity to travel to an exotic place you’ve always wanted to explore. Perhaps it's a friend's destination wedding. At the same time, you are on track for a promotion at work, but know that taking time off would set you back and/or possibly cost you the promotion. How would you resolve the conflict? Would you choose Adventure over Achievement or vice versa? Re-order the values accordingly. Prioritizing like this will take some time but it is a worthy exercise. WHEN YOU CAN CLEARLY DEFINE AND EXPRESS YOUR VALUES, YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF LIVING A MORE PURPOSEFUL AND CONTENT LIFE. YOU WILL FIND IT EASIER TO MAKE IMPORTANT DECISIONS AND WILL FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THE CHOICES YOU MAKE. LIVING A LIFE IN ACCORDANCE WITH ONE’S VALUES MAY NOT ALWAYS BE EASY, BUT IT WILL ALWAYS GUIDE YOU IN THE DIRECTION THAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU.  When my youngest daughter was a toddler, her favorite book was “In The Garden”. We read that book every night before going to sleep, sometimes multiple times. We read it so much that she and I memorized each page. The words are still implanted vividly on my brain. “In the garden, many fruits and vegetables are growing. The orange carrot grows in the ground. I pick it and I eat it. The blueberries grow on the bush. I pick them and I eat them. The red tomato grows on the vine. I pick it and I eat it.”
It was an unlikely favorite, considering we lived in a high rise building in the middle of a city and there were no gardens around for miles. But, who’s to say what speaks to us… She loved it and so every night we travelled together to that magical garden where many fruits and vegetables were growing. Fast forward to today. We have a house and a backyard. And now we have what you might call a small garden. It’s almost exactly like the book described. Eerie. Then again, perhaps not… As of a couple of hours ago, last I checked, there were no fruits and vegetables growing in our garden. Make no mistake, the seeds are in the ground, the plants are sprouting and happily enjoying sunshine, but…there are NO fruits and vegetables. In April I wrote a blog about starting a new hobby: gardening. An unlikely hobby for me, a city girl at heart, but one I thought I’d try on for size given my new suburban residence. The excitement of trying something new was palpable, and I dug right in, ready to get my hands dirty and learn some lessons along the way. Today I am happy to report that after three months of watching and tending, the results are quite clear: complete and utter FAILURE!!! Well, that’s what it’s feeling like at the moment, but I am trying hard not to give in to the mental melodrama. When something doesn’t go according to plan, it is certainly disappointing. Whatever our chosen pursuit, when we commit, we put in effort, blood and tears into making sure we succeed. I know I feel this way, and I am sure you do too. But, what if despite our best efforts, we do not get the results that we desire? What if after you prep the ground, water the seeds, tend and support the plants as they grow, while shooing away wild animals whenever possible, you still come up short? I guess then you are not the gardening type. QUIT. You have neither the skills not the natural ability to make it happen. My little girl asked me the other day when we’ll be picking and eating the tomatoes from our garden, and I was tempted to say NEVER. But I caught myself just in time. I don’t want to believe that story line. Instead, I’ll weave a different story. I’ll tell myself and my little girl that in our garden, many fruits and vegetables will be growing…NEXT YEAR. For now, we’ll have to gather tomatoes, and some additional lessons, from a different garden. One that grows in a land that’s not too far away, just over the rainbow, in our grandmother’s back yard. How Picking Up a New Hobby Turned Out to Be Fertile Ground for Some Important Life Lessons4/21/2016  Spring is the perfect time to begin a new chapter. New buds are popping from the trees excited by sunshine. Plants, birds and people have woken from the winter slumber and come together outdoors to celebrate this time of year.
Are you freshly excited to try something new? Perhaps a new job is on the horizon? Or maybe you’ve just begun to think about making a change. Are you moving, or thinking of trying a new hobby? Or, perhaps you’ve decided to turn your hobby into a business? Whatever your situation, spring is the time of renewal. I, too, have decided to try something new. I am a city girl that has recently been transplanted to the suburbs. I have very little knowledge about the great outdoors, and until recently I have never had to worry about a back yard. This is certainly not a source of pride, and neither is the fact that I have never planted anything in my life. So, given my new circumstance, I have decided that it’s time to change the status quo. I have decided that this year I am going to learn how to plant a garden. Or, at least a couple of vegetables and berries. Easier said than done, but I have committed and I don’t want to let myself down. So, I am diving head first, and even though I’m just at the cusp of the planting season, I’ve already accumulated a few lessons learned. First of all, learning something new is terrifying I am realizing that as far as my gardening knowledge-bank is concerned, I am not just at zero, I am quite possibly in the negative. Until recently, I didn’t know where to buy the potting soil. Perhaps I am a bit afraid of my efforts being a flop, but mostly, I am hesitant because I don’t know where to start. To say the least, this is overwhelming and somewhat terrifying. Taking small steps will give you the confidence to move forward It’s been a while since I picked up a new hobby, and I’ve forgotten what it feels like to push yourself into new territory. My 6 year-old is starting to ride a bike, and she is a bit scared. I’ve tried to tell her what to do to best keep her balance. But then I realized she needs to do it her own way – she needs to first get a feel for her bike. To spend some time just sitting on it, with feet on the ground. This will give her the confidence to begin pedaling on her own. Small steps. Like her, I am spending more time outdoors, just looking at the garden bed. Getting familiar with what it looks like. Learning the names of the flowers that were planted there before. Trying to discern the difference between weeds and plants. I am being mindful about the experience, and it is helping me take the next step in the process. Having a detailed plan will set you up for success If you are planting this year, now is the time to start planning ahead – to start thinking about what you want to plant, buying the seeds, and doing some prep work on the garden bed. As a novice, I am learning that there are specific steps I need to take, now, and again when the soil warms up enough for the seeds to grow. Plant too soon, and the garden will not take. I am learning what I need to plant, how much water and sun exposure the seeds will need, how much space to allocate, how to weed, and about the importance of soil quality. I am doing prep work like a good job hunter before her networking conversations and interviews. Don’t get discouraged when things don’t go according to plan Things won’t always go according to plan, and I am already seeing the warning signs. Apparently, I am not the only one who likes to smell the flowers and munch on fresh garden goodness. The cute bunny family that we “adopted” as our outdoor pets are already starting to cause problems. I’ve just had to shoo one off the yard, and I know it’s just a matter of time until he comes back, and brings friends. I am trying not to get discouraged, but I know what will really help is not to wish them away, but to buy a garden net. Steady work pays off and makes you feel fulfilled As much as I want to see quick results, I am learning to be patient and to take it step-by-step. I know that if I am careful and steady, my work will eventually pay off. In the past couple of weeks, I have already learned more about gardening that in the previous 40 years. Above all, this has taught me the most important lesson to date – a new challenge is fun and it’s making me happy to stretch beyond my comfort zone. To be continued… |
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