 Get on the elevator, fancy a job
On the seventh floor You are going to the top Stop. Doors open You are only on two In walks a woman in a suit. Looks at you Speak, your brain says. She’s important But your mouth feels numb Sticky, gooey, like you’ve swallowed gum You have only one chance to impress Or hold your peace What will it be? Fight or flight No. Surprise Calm and serenity wash over you Handshake. Release Eye contact. Hold You’ve already spoken volumes And you are only on four Then a little voice says, don’t try so hard Be yourself, and if it’s right The connection will bloom Chances are You will know you’ve made it quite soon Relax and enjoy It’s a short ride to seven So different from the work you must do To get way up to heaven
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How Picking Up a New Hobby Turned Out to Be Fertile Ground for Some Important Life Lessons4/21/2016  Spring is the perfect time to begin a new chapter. New buds are popping from the trees excited by sunshine. Plants, birds and people have woken from the winter slumber and come together outdoors to celebrate this time of year.
Are you freshly excited to try something new? Perhaps a new job is on the horizon? Or maybe you’ve just begun to think about making a change. Are you moving, or thinking of trying a new hobby? Or, perhaps you’ve decided to turn your hobby into a business? Whatever your situation, spring is the time of renewal. I, too, have decided to try something new. I am a city girl that has recently been transplanted to the suburbs. I have very little knowledge about the great outdoors, and until recently I have never had to worry about a back yard. This is certainly not a source of pride, and neither is the fact that I have never planted anything in my life. So, given my new circumstance, I have decided that it’s time to change the status quo. I have decided that this year I am going to learn how to plant a garden. Or, at least a couple of vegetables and berries. Easier said than done, but I have committed and I don’t want to let myself down. So, I am diving head first, and even though I’m just at the cusp of the planting season, I’ve already accumulated a few lessons learned. First of all, learning something new is terrifying I am realizing that as far as my gardening knowledge-bank is concerned, I am not just at zero, I am quite possibly in the negative. Until recently, I didn’t know where to buy the potting soil. Perhaps I am a bit afraid of my efforts being a flop, but mostly, I am hesitant because I don’t know where to start. To say the least, this is overwhelming and somewhat terrifying. Taking small steps will give you the confidence to move forward It’s been a while since I picked up a new hobby, and I’ve forgotten what it feels like to push yourself into new territory. My 6 year-old is starting to ride a bike, and she is a bit scared. I’ve tried to tell her what to do to best keep her balance. But then I realized she needs to do it her own way – she needs to first get a feel for her bike. To spend some time just sitting on it, with feet on the ground. This will give her the confidence to begin pedaling on her own. Small steps. Like her, I am spending more time outdoors, just looking at the garden bed. Getting familiar with what it looks like. Learning the names of the flowers that were planted there before. Trying to discern the difference between weeds and plants. I am being mindful about the experience, and it is helping me take the next step in the process. Having a detailed plan will set you up for success If you are planting this year, now is the time to start planning ahead – to start thinking about what you want to plant, buying the seeds, and doing some prep work on the garden bed. As a novice, I am learning that there are specific steps I need to take, now, and again when the soil warms up enough for the seeds to grow. Plant too soon, and the garden will not take. I am learning what I need to plant, how much water and sun exposure the seeds will need, how much space to allocate, how to weed, and about the importance of soil quality. I am doing prep work like a good job hunter before her networking conversations and interviews. Don’t get discouraged when things don’t go according to plan Things won’t always go according to plan, and I am already seeing the warning signs. Apparently, I am not the only one who likes to smell the flowers and munch on fresh garden goodness. The cute bunny family that we “adopted” as our outdoor pets are already starting to cause problems. I’ve just had to shoo one off the yard, and I know it’s just a matter of time until he comes back, and brings friends. I am trying not to get discouraged, but I know what will really help is not to wish them away, but to buy a garden net. Steady work pays off and makes you feel fulfilled As much as I want to see quick results, I am learning to be patient and to take it step-by-step. I know that if I am careful and steady, my work will eventually pay off. In the past couple of weeks, I have already learned more about gardening that in the previous 40 years. Above all, this has taught me the most important lesson to date – a new challenge is fun and it’s making me happy to stretch beyond my comfort zone. To be continued…  Last month, my husband and I took our girls to the American Girl store in New York. It was a holiday rush and there were crowds of people inside, parents, kids and fans browsing the collection of classic American Girl dolls.
If you’ve ever been to American Girl, owned one, or just heard about it in passing, you know that it’s an empire of girl doll paraphernalia that stretches from the dolls themselves to their clothes, furniture, pets, life necessities and much much more. This kind of “whole life” approach to marketing a doll is not unique to American Girl, but what sets their dolls apart from others is that each has her own unique story and a unique persona. There is Kit Kitteridge – the girl from the 1930s who is a creative extraordinaire – she can fix anything and solve any problem. There is Julie Albright – who lives in the 70s and is a strong girl with high ideals and a bit of a feminist mystique. There is Addy Walker who lives in the time of Emancipation and stands for freedom. And there are a few more classics, along with a special “girl of the year” that American Girl introduces each year. Kids who are into dolls love American Girl. It is a popular standout – not only because each doll is beautifully made, but also in large part, I think, because with each one we get to meet a new “person”, with seemingly human qualities, needs, likes, wants and ideals. My girls have Rebecca and Saige (the girl of the year from a couple of years back) but love to see the other dolls and hear their stories. I love that these dolls can spark my girls’ imagination and get them excited about role-playing, so we make it a point to visit the store every once in a while. But what I love the most is what happens when we get back home. Newly excited, the girls pull out their dolls. But instead of playing out the script, they decide to swap their dolls outfits, move them into a different house, and assign them different roles. Rebecca is no longer the Jewish girl from New York – she is the country loving Saige who loves to braid hair and ride horses. The doll’s story becomes fluid. The fixed “persona” assigned to each doll by American Girl is no longer relevant. REINVENTION IS THE NAME OF THE GAME. The dolls suddenly come alive and become real. They are you, they are me, they stand for each of us – real people who are multi-dimensional, who can change their lives, how they see themselves, as well as adjust others’ perceptions of who they are. That is the kind of story that draws me in. This past week the world lost one of its greatest musicians and entertainers, David Bowie. A couple of days after his passing, I watched an old documentary he did with BBC where he talks freely about the role that continuous re-invention plays in his success. His reasons for living out different personas or characters on stage are not what you might imagine. He surprises by speaking openly about his discomfort with singing in front of a big audience. He talks about how his creative genius is ultimately spurred by his desire to overcome stage fright – becoming someone else gives him an opportunity to conquer his fears. In turn, this continuous re-invention allows him to bring his limitless talent to the masses and to live out his dream. This kind of mindset is not always easy to embrace, but it is often necessary to live out your full potential. And while I don’t envision a life choice as outlandish as becoming a rock star in my girls’ future, I do want them to take away the lessons that are rooted in Bowie’s story. I hope that sitting on our floor and changing their dolls’ clothes releases their imagination and makes them dream of possibilities that are not limited to what is first handed to them. I hope they learn that re-invention is not only fun, but is necessary in this life -- real life, punctuated with challenges, ebbs, flows and transitions. A few days ago, on the way to school my girls started talking about what they want to be when they grow up. Until recently, their horizon of available options included only one of two career paths: a painter or a ballerina. But, suddenly something shifted in their field of vision and a range of new possibilities appeared.
My older daughter triumphantly declared that she is going to be a doctor. Half expecting that my younger daughter would say she wants to be a doctor too, I was pleasantly surprised there was a twist to that story. My youngest was going to be a vet. Then, just as suddenly as the spark lit, it flickered. My 5 year-old hesitated. She started to become upset. Maybe she didn’t want to be a doctor after all? Maybe she would be an artist? Or could she be an artist AND a doctor? In her hesitation I saw a wish to not have to decide…she was afraid to limit herself to one choice. What if she made the wrong one? I reassured her that those were both great options, and yes, if she wanted to, she could do both. She had lots of time to decide, and while it was ok to feel scared, she shouldn’t let that get her stuck. She just needed to explore to learn what was most exciting for her. I feel that it is my job as a parent to not only help my kids discover their interests and passions, but also help them acquire the social and emotional tools to turn their dreams into reality. The fickleness of a 5 year-old will pass and one day my daughter will settle on a career. But, I predict that either before or after she makes her choice, there will be periods when she feels uncertain, stuck, or paralyzed about what to do with her life. And at those forks in the road, the outcome will largely depend on how she handles her doubts and indecisions. As a career coach who works with people in transition, I am used to dealing with this state of emotional paralysis. Change is scary, especially when you don’t have a clear goal in mind. Although I’ve worked with people with different personalities at different stages of transition, virtually everyone at one point or another has some fear that blocks them from moving forward. Many are afraid to take a wrong step and to make a ‘mistake’. Recently, I participated in a webinar ran by a fellow career coach entitled “How To Make a Change When You Don’t Know What You Want To Do”. It seemed like a misnomer at first, because I thought as typical wisdom goes, it’s much easier to make a change when you can clearly articulate what you are moving towards. But her message was not about getting clarity but about taking action. It ‘s not that it isn’t important to get clarity. It is. But for those of us who struggle to define our next role, she counseled, it was better to do something, even fearing failure, rather than do nothing at all. She then laid out a plan on how to network when you weren’t sure exactly what to say. I enjoyed the webinar because of the perspective it offered. It was a good reminder of what we often forget as adults. With our need to get things right, we can forget that making mistakes is a necessary part of the learning process. When we remember that we can discover a lot more when put our fears aside, as we often remind our kids, we get closer to our dreams. We will all make mistakes – that’s for certain – and it will not be the end of the road but the beginning. |
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